I live in the city of Atlanta. Smack in the middle of Fulton County. The City of Atlanta’s population as of March 2020 was 524,067. As you can imagine dating at my age can be challenging. However, dating in Atlanta has its own set of challegens.
I moved to Georgia in 2003 and in 2010 I moved to the city. The city offered me opportunities to connect with my peers in entertainment, marketing and tech. It was a great transition until I decided I wanted companionship. After being a part of the nightlife and experiencing the LGBTQ community I had little faith in the dating pool.
COVID changed my outlook on life after being in isolation for 16 months.
Atlanta is home to one of the highest LGBTQ populations per capita, which is 19th among major US metropolitan areas. An estimated 4.2% of Atlanta’s metro population is gay, lesbian or bisexual. I don’t think you truly understand what that means. 4.2% is alitte over 22,000 people. The city is 136.3 mi² and I live in the center of it all.
Never in a million years did I think I would willingly engage in a relationship with a bisexual male even though I, myself am attracted to members of the same sex. Here I am, conflicted with my mind and my emotions. Living in Atlanta you can’t help but have friends in the LGBTQ community. I have always been more comfortable with male friendship so of course I know a lot of Gay men. I love my Gay friendships because there are no expectations. We enjoy each others company without the pressure of sex or sexual attraction. Well, so I thought!
I have traveled, partied and slept in the same bed with my friends. We have gotten black out drunk and woke up in strange places together. Never once did sex or the idea of a different type of relationship cross my mind. Until…. The possibility was put on the table.
Logically, it is a hard no. But, this is a friend. Someone I have known for years. We have traveled together, partied slept in the same bed and talked about life. Why would I treat him any different now?
Let’s UNPACK this!
I took to social media to get a general Idea of how people felt about dating a bisexual person.
Being bisexual just means you are sexually attracted to males and females. And if we have a committed relationship that could even include you getting from a woman what I cannot give but being honest and up front about it.
Men, would you date a bisexual woman?
80% Yes 20% No
Ladies, would you date a bisexual male?
21% Yes 79% No
I chose yes, her sexuality wouldn’t matter to me honestly, once she stays committed and faithful to me
Everyone likes women lol. In all seriousness though, it’s a very multifaceted question. When you grow up in a world where you constantly hear “men are dogs”, “niggas ain’t shit” and so on, coupled with a lack of understanding of the way men are, compounded with the normalization of “feeling up on each other” there tends to be a migration toward the same sex. A woman kissing another woman is considered a harmless bit of fun, a man kissing a man is outright gay. Lol, I can talk about this topic for hours honestly.
Wow, bisexual males get no love. Women are less likely to date a bisexual than men are to date a bisexual women. There is a huge double standard. Even when speaking with bisexual women they are 95% less likely to date a bisexual male due to the sitigma attached to the lifestyle choice.
In January of 2019, a study, published in the Journal of Bisexuality, examined how bi individuals are perceived, both romantically and sexually, by straight women, straight men, and gay men. The study also explored if bi folks are perceived as being more masculine or more feminine than their straight counterparts.
The researchers recruited 224 heterosexual women, 120 heterosexual men, and 96 gay men to participate in the study. The participants were then asked to review fake Tinder-like profiles of men and women, where nothing would change besides the profile’s sexual orientation. (More specifically, profiles would have the same picture, bio, age, etc., only the person in the profile openly identified as either bisexual, heterosexual, or gay at random.)
Results indicated that heterosexual women rated bisexual men as less sexually and romantically attractive, less desirable to date and have sex with, and less masculine compared to straight men. No such differences were found for heterosexual and gay men’s ratings of female and male profiles, respectively. These results support previous research findings that indicate more negative attitudes toward dating bisexual men than bisexual women. The current study also provides further understanding as to how negative attitudes influence sexual and romantic attraction to bisexual individuals.
With all this research and information, I am still conflicted. My friend is handsome. When we first met, years ago, I was disappointed that he was “Gay” or so I thought. We have great conversations and experiences together. We enjoy each other’s company and support each other.
I have always been an advocate for open and honest communication. I disclose “everytime” my sexual preference and have only been rejected once as a result. I am on the fence. This is a human with the same feelings and emotions as everyone else. Our conversations are enlightening and revealing. Every experience with him is memorable. Not a minute is spent on our devices when we are together. We are always present in the moment and I enjoy that. He opens doors, holds my hand when walk through crowds, supports my work and does all the little things that matter.
We want the truth, but it is often a hard pill to swallow. After months of thought, I made a decision. I was so upset that last time I dated a sexually ambiguous man. We had great chemistry, but he hide his truth from me. He took my right to choose away! To be clear, my friend and I are just that. As it stands, that’s all it will ever be. However, hanging out with him sparked the question that fueled this post. What if he told you? Would you date bisexual man?
Yes, I would date a bisexual man! But, I don’t think I could have a sexual relationship unless we really discussed how that would work.